Crossroads

So, I seem to have these people in my life who always know the things I need to hear. No, I do not think it is at all a coincidence that within the last 48 hours I have prayed for some very specific things, and have completely been given my answer through the words of others.

I am so scared of the way my brain works, I know that having bipolar tendencies makes my head think repetitively and I have obsessive thoughts that are not really productive to myself. I fight these so much, that sometimes I don't know if it's a thought I keep having because I'm supposed to do it, or because I'm sabotaging me. Well a way that I have always dealt with this is to stop talking to people. Just disappear for awhile, so I don't say anything mean, or do anything really reckless and wrong, and so I don't destroy relationships. I have prayed about how to deal with these obsessions when someone suggested maybe I shouldn't push others away. My real friends will love me even through my moments. It was a light bulb moment, a real oh, I shouldn't distrust everyone Bing!

Also, at work there are some girls who I call my counselors. We have therapy every Saturday night. I know that they have helped me with loaning me books, watching my children, and always being somewhere safe I could cry. Well last night someone asked me if I could name the crossroads in my life and if I had made the right choices. I can think of 3 very distinct crossroads in my marriage alone. Each time I would pray and follow the answer feeling confused about why? Well I've had some of those whys answered and I realized that RIGHT NOW is a huge crossroads in my life. I have made my decision and have already felt the blessings.

Dusty has been one of my closest friends since we were 12. She is Daas and I am Kenicky. I'm the Red M she the Yellow M. She's having some huge trials and when I call her to try and be supportive it is she who gives me an answer about what I should be doing. I know I'm in school, I'm a mommy, I need to support my family, go to church....but for so long I've been working on a marriage. Always thinking of things to make my relationship better...what do I do now? Well Daas told me I should be working on my relationship with me, so that I see myself as a Queen. It's really a hard thing to think about, but it was such an answer on what I should focus on for myself. I need to start coming first, loving myself first, and just loving me as well as my life.

Thank you Daas, my sister, my friend. I love you, and I miss you!


K