It's hitting us, all of us. Change is coming and we're going to have to endure the storm before the calm. I know that I am trying really hard to not be manipulated to stay calm and try to be a robot. Because when everyone becomes emotional that's when it becomes chaos. Well the other party doesn't deal well with my robot. So then he's yelling and throwing a fit in front of the Sydnee. I suggest we go elsewhere so we end up in the car. It was cold so I told Sydnee I would be right back. We are talking in the car, who should move where, what money blah! I was doing well being a robot, thinking clearly, not getting emotional when Sydnee came outside. Dressed head to toe in her snow clothes. Scarf, hat, mittens even. I lost it then, tears came pouring out. She didn't want us to be fighting so she and I went inside. We made lunch, she's going to take the afternoon off from school, we're planting some sunflowers together....
I don't know what to do! How do I stay strong enough for my kids when I feel like I can't even move myself. I do so well for a few days then I crash again. The absolute worst part of any of this is the kids feeling sad. They are so clingy to me that I'm taking some FMLA from work.
An angel is coming to visit today. Fawn is flying in to see me for the weekend. The little miracles that keep me walking.
Sometimes I can look ahead and see what our lives may become, I can plan with hope for the future. But today I'm just trying to make it through.
Right now, this instance I'm going to go give my baby girl some much needed hugs!
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