Are you ok?

Funny question actually...am I ok? how am I doing? how are things going? how have you been?

I understand that these are extremely normal and ingrained opening questions for conversations with other people. We really need to fix this, because the person asking probably doesn't want to know your honest answer. Then the conversation or the friendship is just superficial.

For me to answer these questions it would be...No I'm not ok, maybe someday after hours of counseling and praying, but today I'm not ok. I'm not doing well, my family is not doing well, things have been bad, rough, exhausting. I'm going to say that divorce causes probably one of the worst feelings I could ever imagine short of something happening to my children. I cry a lot, I'm bitter, I'm upset, I want to throw things. I understand why people in the movies rip up clothes, throw tvs out the window.....I'm not that person. I don't want my things damaged, and it's childish so I'm not going to give into those thoughts. But it's not ok, I'm not ok, I'm struggling and right now I'm just trying to tread the water.

Lisa makes me laugh, she's the person I call when things are really bad. I vent to her. And she always says something like "there are only 5 hours left in the day, then you get to try again tomorrow." It really is helpful. Sure I'm taking life one day at a time, but I'm getting out of bed, taking care of my kids and loving them, doing what I'm supposed to be doing. And ensuring that each kid gets one on one time with Mommy everyday. So even if I'm not ok, I'm trying.

I've decided that instead of the usual "how's it goin?" conversation openers. I'm going to say things like "Hey what's your favorite color?" "How do you like your eggs cooked?" "When is your birthday?" These are things that you should know about your friends (ok maybe you don't need to know about eggs, but you should know a favorite dessert) I'm seriously going to try. It's going to be difficult, but hopefully it will bridge the gap between acquaintance and friend.

K
Just because she's cute!