Bargaining

"Approved for transfer"....the email says. Yesterday when I felt like I was living with a teenager I would've been more than thrilled to see those words. I was doing so well, being a robot. But today my reaction should've been relief. At least he still has a really good job, But I broke down. Fawn was here to hold me. But I still feel like I'm not ready. Why didn't he try harder. We're a pretty awesome family. My children are adorable and I know I'm not perfect, but I could be so much worse. Why aren't we enough?

I didn't expect this. I felt like there were some stages of grief that I wouldn't hit. Bargaining especially, but right now I want to beg. Please just be that husband, that father. Don't leave us, but I prayed for this specific thing. That he would be able to transfer his job. I prayed for it last night. I know this is the right thing, I'm just going to take a small ammount of time to mourn for my marriage, for my children, for me.

Thank you Heavenly Father for knowing that I would need Fawn right now, and my Mother for calling me not even 2 minutes after I read that email. Thank you.

K