But I don't wanna!

I just went to AZ. Within a week had a funeral, a divorce....wow that sounds depressing enough! Well my time in AZ was difficult, nothing really bad happened, but it was a struggle to be there. I love AZ, love seeing my friends (shout out to Fawn and Emme!) love the heat, love being with my family, but I feel so vulnerable like I'm not on my own home turf anymore. I felt relieved to be back where I control the situation, but now I have to go back.

I've been planning a trip to AZ in July for over a year! So my tickets have been bought for awhile. Sydnee is coming with me so she can have some time with R. I wasn't planning the trip last week, but I had a glimpse at what my trip may feel like and....I don't wanna go!!!

Yes, I'm pouting like a 2 year old! I only had one day where all my friends were busy, my children were with R, I don't have a home base, I just kinda drove around (yes in a really HOT car) The time to myself, with no agenda, no one to take care of....started to drive me insane. I never have time to myself without something I should be working on. So to have 5 days where the only plan I have is to see Wicked is scaring me. Will I love it? probably not. Will I even be able to sit still? again very doubtful. So what am I going to do????

This is probably typical K just worrying about things that won't ever happen. But if I expect something bad and it doesn't happen then I can be pleasantly surprised (Wow, that's a bad outlook on life, might need to work on that) Well for the stage I'm at now, I'm still a little bitter sometimes, still definitely scared, still a little broken. I'm doing ok, better on the outside than the inside.

Buck Up K!!!! Come on, this is a vacation! The hard part of this year is supposed to be over! If you can get through that, why are you fighting a vacation?

Ah Wicked! Finally we will meet and I don't care what else is going on, I will be so giddy I may jump out of my seat!

Something good...I'm going to attempt a friendship, or at least a truce

K