Do you mind if I just be blunt?

This blog is supposed to be my journal for our family. And I've tried, to a point, to be quite civil. Be nice, cause I don't really do the "mean and evil" thing well. And usually I feel peace within. He may rage and scream, try to get into my head, but I feel peace. But there are lies, complete lies that are being told. And usually I just sit quietly and hope that with time the truth will prevail. Well, it's time to prevail!

This is for you. I know you read this, I know you've read this. I know your actions and reactions. But I am done with laying down and not fighting back. I am not fighting to be a brat, I am fighting because I have 2 children who I have to take care of. Fighting because I am trying to do what is right. Fighting, because sometimes Heavenly Father wants you to fight for yourself.


R,

Some very disturbing information has come to my attention lately. It has been your actions of the past 4 months. The reason I have not known any of your actions? Well since the fact that you have not contacted your children in any way since Mother's Day! Do you think it is beneficial to your daughter to have to ask me multiple times why Daddy doesn't call her? "Why doesn't Daddy send me a card, I miss his hugs. Who's going to baptize me? Daddy smokes and doesn't go to church."

Your son, Beckham, remember him? He has your eyes. Well he doesn't recognize you in pictures anymore. Sydnee has to tell him who you are. And he is speaking so much. He is a joy, a complete joy to be with, but you have chosen to drink every weekend, to move to AZ and party like a rock star. Instead of being blessed with some joy from Becks.

Money, let's talk about money shall we? The front that you are giving is that you have been paying my mortgage? Giving me child support? HAAAA! Wow, I wish! My children and I have learned multiple ways to make sandwiches and hot dogs because I have not received ONE CENT! From you since April. And in case you forgot, it's September. But don't worry, I'm having that taken care of. I am glad that you've been able to keep up your payments on your new car. I would hate for you to not have a red sports car to zip around in. Sydnee didn't really need school clothes, it will be fine.

I am working nights at the hospital. I am the single Mom who never gets a break, in my final semester of nursing school so I can provide a better life for my children. And I am doing this alone. There has been no support, no contact, no upholding your end of our legal agreement. Without my parents, your children would be living on the streets.

As for your words and actions to me. When I receive a phone call at MY house from a girl asking for you because she had lost your other number and she liked going out with you (hmmm this was a girl in Colorado, and the entire time you were in Colorado you were married to ME) So I text you to ask you to please not have your girlfriends calling my home? Your response? "WHICH ONE?" So you are admitting that you did not honor our marriage vows and you had multiple relationships with other women! And you may brag about your children to others, how great they are, how smart.... you wouldn't know. And until you start to take better care of yourself you will not know. My children will not be around someone who is on drugs, drinks excessively, is violent, and unpredictable. Besides, only 2 months ago you told me AGAIN, how you think that they may not be your children. If you would like to hear my response AGAIN- "You are free to waste your own money for a paternity test. I will comply. But I honored my vows and promises I made to you."

If this is the life you have chosen over us, I hope that it makes you happy. I know that our lives are filled with more smiles and so much less tension and fear since you have gone.





I now make vows and promises to my children. Sydnee and Beckham, I have done and will continue to do everything that is within my power to fight for you. I love you, I will never leave you. We will be a family forever. I am sorry for the pain that this past year has caused you, I do what I have to, to ensure that we are physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually safe. I love you, and feel so privileged that I was chosen to be your Mother. All the love I have and all the fight that is necessary, I will give.

K

Something good... I'm still smiling, because I am fighting for what I want my life to be.